The Abilities Of The Talentless Tara Cord
by iamsolarflare
Summary: My name is Tarabethel Cord, and I have no magical talents. Zip. None. Yet this here is a story of how I befriended Herobrine, a whole bunch of other people (some even worse than the aforementioned guy) and saved the world. Weird how those things happen. ((Rated T for mild cursing and quite a bit of violence))


**Chapter 1: Wither and White Eyes**

**Or: Things Explode And For Once I Am Not One Of Those Things**

* * *

I met Herobrine for the first time on the day he saved my life.

This, of course, seems like a fairly unreasonable thing to be saying. After all, this is _Herobrine_ we're talking about, the Netherlord. The guy who burns villages, destroys families, and in general runs around being an ass.

Except... I'm not actually talking about that one.

See, without giving much away, sometimes things get lost in translation between people, even between people's temperaments. And these things, well, sometimes they shape history.

My name is Tarabethel Cord, and for the time being you can just call me your humble narrator.

This is the story of how the universe nearly got destroyed - cheerful, huh?

Anyways, I suppose I should start the story with where I first met Herobrine. Let's see...

* * *

I'd been mining a mountain in the cliffs, looking for anything of value. Usually this didn't happen - I could barely scrape up enough iron to make a pick while trading some of it for food with the testificates nearby (which, mind you, was technically illegal, but what did I care?).

I lived in the hills, so almost all of them were pierced through with tunnels like the one I was digging now. It was hard, unrewarding work, but I wasn't about to go spelunking for more valuable materials in caverns - monsters there were tougher than aboveground and the Creepers were more aggressive.

This time mining, though, I made the find of a lifetime... or should I say a find to die for?

I was somewhere near the center of the mountain when I heard a slightly weird noise.

Actually, it was a _really _weird noise, somewhat like an enderman trying to strangle a mechanical creeper.

I whipped around, hefting my pick in an attempt to look intimidating, only to fail as nothing was nearby. Considering that the tunnel I'd dug into the mountain was straight and nothing was blocking my path, I made a guess that whatever it was would be in front of me - and since I'd already be swinging a weapon of sorts, I'd probably have the advantage.

It probably would have been a passable strategy, save for two things.

One: As I mined forward, I heard a shout echoing down the tunnel.

"_Run!_"

I turned, shocked by the panicked outburst, only to see a certain legendary figure barreling down the tunnel at me.

And yes, I am in fact referring to Herobrine.

As he got closer, I swung my pick at him threateningly. "Stay back!"

To my surprise, he stumbled and pinwheeled his arms in an attempt to do exactly that.

"Look, you need to get out of here!"

I snorted. "Why? Did I find your hideout or something?"

"No, seriously, come o-"

That was when the wall behind me exploded, sending us both flying.

* * *

Remember the passable strategy comment I made? The one where I said that my improvised weapon would've worked great, except for two things?

Well, reason number two: it turned out that the monster inside the mountain was a Wither.

Herobrine grabbed my arm before I could react. "Come on, hurry!"

As much as I really would've loved to hit him over the head with my pickaxe and end him right there, the guy was probably my best chance of getting out of there alive. So instead of doing that, I followed him.

Correction - I ended up dragging _him_ along the tunnel in my haste to escape.

Eventually, though, we reached the exit, and I cringed. There was a pretty sheer drop below us, and with the Wither behind us there was no way we were going to be able to climb down carefully.

Beside me, Herobrine gingerly extracted his arm from my grasp and sighed. "Well."

"Well what?" I snapped, perhaps a bit harsher than I should have. After all, no telling what this guy could do to me.

He flinched, eyes glowing a little brighter as if in response. "...Hope you're not afraid of heights."

Without speaking further, he grabbed me and shot up into the sky.

We hovered there for several seconds, long enough for me to watch the entire mountain explode as the Wither burst though.

Herobrine cursed. "Ah. _Hack_."

I groaned. "You're _Herobrine_! Kill it or something!"

He didn't say anything in response, almost as if he'd been stunned into silence. Instead of killing the Wither, however, he turned and flew off into the sky again.

With me.

"So are you kidnapping me, then?" I grumbled, clenching my fists.

"I saved your _life_," he snapped back.

"And that somehow negates a kidnapping?"

"Rrrh." His facial expression seemed to be that of someone who was simultaneously very annoyed and also trying very hard not to laugh. "Look, just... shut up."

Something told me I could safely press this issue. "I am _not _going to shut up. I want to know _why_ you were there, _where_ you're taking me, and _why_ you're taking me there."

"I said..."

"Shut it? Yeah, I know." I glared up at him and drew back one of my fists as if to punch him. "I don't plan on doing that, thank you."

He looked at me with an odd expression - panic, almost. "I-if you punch me, I might drop you by accident."

"_See if I care_!" I barked. "You're the _Netherlord_! Better to try and take you down with me than to come peacefully!"

He looked away. "You've got a point, or..."

"Or what?"

"Or, uh, would have one. If I were actually that guy."

I snorted. "_Slimebone_. Of course you're Herobrine. Why in the Nether else would you have _glowing eyes_?"

"...No, I'm Herobrine. But not _that _one."

I sighed. "Mind giving me a straight answer?"

"...I _am _saving your life. Aren't cryptic answers par for the course, or did I miss something?" He tried giving me what looked like an apologetic grin, but I didn't buy it for one second.

Nobody really spoke for a while after that - seemed like the infamous Herobrine wasn't much of a talker.

* * *

**((Welcome back to a brand-new Talentless, folks! Enjoy, and remember to review!))**


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